its my life story

im not strong enuf to do this.

11 February 2010 @ 1:32 AM

I received a called from susan loh in charge of clinical
lab,1092,saying i FAILED that module. HOW CAN IT BE?!
she even ask me,MAYBE i fail my skill test. BUT!
I PASSED BOTH! & she said again,MAYBE my theory
paper pull my marks down! WTF! dont tell me i got ZERO
for my theory?! even last sem,my class did quite badly
for the theory paper! & some even got single digit for it.
BUT! they still passed the overall! & im sure im one of
them. & i got a B for overall. sounds damn stupid right?
Im not happy! as in,she called me fucking LAST MIN!
& next fri my exams started! she shud have atleast
called me last week or last two weeks likedat!
so i can prepare! seriously. this lecturers are all dumb!
& it takes like a few hours later for all my emotional
senses to detect my hidden feelings. -.- ive been asking
myself non stop since just now. WHYYYYYYYY?!
even when i shared this with my classmates,they
were shocked. they said maybe someone prank on me,
maybe its another shahida,maybe its another siti,
maybe its not me and blablablablabla. but still?
fuck laa. i dont mind if i fail or whtsoever. but,
i cannot accept the fact tht i fucking need to retake
my skills! I FUCKING PASSED IT WITH NO
2ND ATTEMPT! how can i retake it? i hate medications!
i have dressing! & i fucking need to retake it?!
ITS FUCKING UNFAIR! its like,better you fail me &
make me redo the whole module next year! better
right! then rather you did this to me! fucking
unfair! i fucking hate you laa susan loh or whtever
you name is! i fucking hope it wsnt me! even if it is,
i fucking hope i can convince yong tmr not to retake
my skill test & let it be as it is! just theory will do.
haiyaaaaa. life in poly sucha hectic. so irritating.
but still,this dsnt mean i gna give up! Hell no okay.
i wnt to get the sponsorship! i wnt to help mom.
its okay shahida. like you've said to yourself before.
dsnt mean you fail means thts the end of everything!
thr is still hope for everything eventho if i got thin
hope. but still,im hoping.
Ya Allah,kuatkan laa hamba
mu ini Ya Allah. aku tidak kuat bersendirian. aku tidak
tahu dgn siape harusku mengadu naseb. melainkan
kau Ya Allah.
For once,i felt lost. idk why. i need someone to talk to.
but idk to whom. i just dnt feel comfortable to talk to
anyone. i guess,i gta hide everything again within me.
loveyou mom. i swear i really do. Xoxo.

Labels: speechless.